I'm not dumb.
I am not dumb. I am not a fish. I am not a square. I am what I am. Who I am. I am not where I am. I am where I've been. Where I will go. I am not dumb. A fish can not climb a tree. And a bird can not live underwater. Is the fish lesser for not being able to climb the tree. Is the bird lesser for not being able to breath underwater? Perhaps. But perhaps not. I am not dumb, and they are not dumb. We all just are.
School has made me feel dumb. Inadequate is more the correct word. Am I trying to be a fish who is expected to climb a tree? Or should I be a fish who expects birds to learn to breath underwater. I really don't want to be either of them. I want to be myself. I want to learn what strikes my curiosity and makes me breath in deep breaths of pure life. I do not want to be labeled as failed or inadequate because I am a fish who can not climb a tree.
I've lived more life than most my age. I've seen and experienced and breathed and hurt and cried and climbed trees, laughed and sat truly awestruck by things all around me that have nothing to do with neither fish nor trees. They don't have to explain themselves. Not to fish, not to trees. Because neither of them are even the slightest bit relevant to each other. These wonders that surround us. Swirl on us and beg for our attention. That run their fingers through our hair and pull at our ankles, just begging us to look up and to see.
I was thinking the other day when I had heard of another death of another person who was taken very young. If I died today, at right this instant, I would be okay. I could peacefully leave knowing that I had actually lived and experienced, not just learned about experiencing. I learn through experiencing. I grow through experiencing. I grow in a way that can only be growing through experience and never supplemented through something else.
I want to make myself uncomfortable. I want to reach out and touch all the things that are right there. I want to learn new languages and play in new cultures and dance to a foreign song. I want to stay curious and humble and laugh and love and emphasize and live. I want to live and not to be made to feel dumb. I am not dumb.
I am not dumb at all.
School has made me feel dumb. Inadequate is more the correct word. Am I trying to be a fish who is expected to climb a tree? Or should I be a fish who expects birds to learn to breath underwater. I really don't want to be either of them. I want to be myself. I want to learn what strikes my curiosity and makes me breath in deep breaths of pure life. I do not want to be labeled as failed or inadequate because I am a fish who can not climb a tree.
I've lived more life than most my age. I've seen and experienced and breathed and hurt and cried and climbed trees, laughed and sat truly awestruck by things all around me that have nothing to do with neither fish nor trees. They don't have to explain themselves. Not to fish, not to trees. Because neither of them are even the slightest bit relevant to each other. These wonders that surround us. Swirl on us and beg for our attention. That run their fingers through our hair and pull at our ankles, just begging us to look up and to see.
I was thinking the other day when I had heard of another death of another person who was taken very young. If I died today, at right this instant, I would be okay. I could peacefully leave knowing that I had actually lived and experienced, not just learned about experiencing. I learn through experiencing. I grow through experiencing. I grow in a way that can only be growing through experience and never supplemented through something else.
I want to make myself uncomfortable. I want to reach out and touch all the things that are right there. I want to learn new languages and play in new cultures and dance to a foreign song. I want to stay curious and humble and laugh and love and emphasize and live. I want to live and not to be made to feel dumb. I am not dumb.
I am not dumb at all.
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